Peter Eramo’s Open Letter to Tom Cruise

It has been widely reported that Tom Cruise is in talks with Paramount Pictures and MTV Films to reprise his role as the foul-mouthed, hip-hop loving Les Grossman (from Ben Stiller’s hilarious 2008 film, Tropic Thunder). However, it won’t be in another scene-stealing supporting role but rather, a movie revolving around the Grossman character — Les Grossman’s own movie. I absolutely loved Tropic Thunder (voting it the #1 comedy of the decade in a recent list published on this website) and feel that Cruise’s performance in it helped make it the great success that it was. When I read about this possibility, I became worried. I’m not usually one for writing letters to actors at all, but I feel it my professional duty as a writer of film and tremendous fan of the fictional role to write one now. The reputation of Grossman is at stake! So here is my letter to Tom Cruise:

 

Dear Mr. Cruise:

First, I would like to start by telling you that I have enjoyed so much of your work over the years and think you have created some of the most memorable film roles in the past 20+ years. Growing up, I remember loving your work in Risky Business, opposite the legendary Paul Newman in The Color of Money, and yes, I even enjoyed Cocktail immensely (still proudly ranking high in my favorite “guilty pleasure” films of all-time). I thought you were quite brilliant in Rain Man and gave a moving and unforgettable performance in Oliver Stone’s Born on the Fourth of July.  I thought your superb work as Frank Mackey in P.T. Anderson’s Magnolia was daring and courageous, helping to make it the masterpiece that it is. And of course, as you know by now, you stole the show in Tropic Thunder, showing us your funny side by playing the now famously vile, money-hungry, vulgar movie executive Les Grossman. Your resume is certainly an impressive one and still, you remain one of America’s most bankable stars. What I have always found so impressive is how you’ve always managed to balance your enormous celebrity, while at the same time, apply yourself to your craft as an actor in such demanding roles and working for some of our most talented filmmakers (Kubrick, Spielberg, Redford, Levinson, et al). Though you are one of Hollywood’s biggest “movie stars” you still manage to push yourself as an actor and I certainly admire that. With that said, I feel that, in the wake of your recent appearance on the MTV Movie Awards and your ongoing discussions concerning the “Untitled Les Grossman Project,” I need to voice my tremendous concern to you at this time.

I understand all of the reasons you might have for wanting to actually go through with starring in such a vehicle — well, money for starters. It’s almost always about the money (didn’t you have to scream that loudly into a phone once to Cuba Gooding, Jr.?). I understand that if you are planning on gunning for that Oscar which has eluded you thus far, that starring in such a raucous comedy gives you the ability to show everyone your range. Also, playing the Les Grossman character helps to continue to build massive goodwill with the movie-going public who may remember you jumping on Oprah’s couch like a sophomoric wild man and knocking Brooke Shields down a couple of pegs because you don’t believe that people should be taking prescription medication as it goes against what you personally may believe in. I also understand that many simply like seeing you having fun at your own expense. I get all of that. And yet, I still think it’s a terrible idea.

Spin-offs, for the most part, usually suck. There are too many examples of the failures (U.S. Marshals, The Scorpion King, Beauty Shop, etc.) and very few, if any, that can be called good movies. Les Grossman had, what? Ten minutes of screen time in Tropic Thunder? Maybe 15 minutes at most. That was the perfect amount. It left us wanting more. It still keeps us wanting more, which is why it’s so damn good. The old comedian’s adage is to “Leave them wanting more.”  Starring in a full-length film revolving around Grossman will only kill it. It will turn into a “Saturday Night Live” sketch which is funny for 4 minutes and turn into a terrible 100 minutes of disappointment (see just about any SNL skit-turned-movie). What also made Les Grossman such a great screen character was the element of surprise. When it was playing in theatres, very few even knew that you were even in it, let alone heard of such a character. I know when I saw it, I was completely taken by surprise and I loved every minute of it. Now, that surprise factor is completely gone only to be replaced by high expectations that most likely cannot be met.

To put it simply, making such a movie would be overkill. And as a big fan of your work (despite having to sit through Far and Away and Days of Thunder), I feel that you are better than that and have so much more to offer to your fans. You already make the big money, so it can’t just be about the financial reward here. You can make that money doing just about any other film. Don’t kill the Golden Goose, Mr. Cruise…it was great for the small part it played in Stiller’s wonderful comedy and will always be remembered. A full-length feature will only hurt the legacy of the character that you brought to remarkable life.

Thank you for reading this. I hope you have a very successful opening weekend with your new film. If you need any further career advice, then I’m always here…you know where to find me.

Yours Truly,

Peter Eramo, Jr.